Goals

Disclaimer: old draft from February 2011, very pregnant with Benji. Obviously, I've set the bar high with my personal expectations. This one made me laugh out loud at the end. 

• Start exercising again. Sure I'm pregnant and completely incapable of doing anything useful to society, but I think this mentality is taking it's toll on my sanity...well, what's left of it. Aaron has found some maternity workouts that I can do, if I can convince myself that it'll be more beneficial than a power nap between jobs or band practice. 
• Stay on top of the laundry. 
• Come up with a birth plan.
• Figure out what I will actually need for this kiddo.
• Always, always, always have food to snack on.
• Get to bed.
• 
  

Countdown.

Disclaimer: As I reignite my blog, I am finding some unfinished gems that perfectly capture the insanity that happens when your brain is pumped full of pregnancy hormones. It's amazing how different my mindset is now, how much less I worry about stuff. Let's just be real here, it's probably only because I sleep through the night on a regular basis....for now. Oy.


Late May 2011:

This is it! I am officially a ticking time-bomb.

Since I found out that I was gonna be a momma back in October, I have had 4 possible due dates, spanning somewhere between June 10-18th. This leads me to believe that I, in fact, have absolutely no idea when this little guy is going to make his way into the world. I'm trying to tune in to any physical and emotional changes that I experience to hopefully get a slight heads up before things get serious.

As my hormones rage on, Aaron is always encouraging and reminds me that even though I'm crying in the bathroom for no reason (I'm sure there were at the moment, but they have been forgotten already), it's just a sign that our little Benjamin is getting ready to meet us! He's also reassured me that parents aren't perfect and I don't have to have it all together...all the time. Staring at our bassinet that is still packed full with baby things I have yet to organize and put away, it's hard to feel prepared for the impending responsibility that is taking care of a helpless human being that looks a lot like you. I will figure things out. I've got a great husband who is a bottomless pit of encouragement and support, tons of family who are already signing the wait list to hold our baby after we do, and a very attached kitten that has convinced himself that I'm his mom and has taught me in just a week how big of a role that is (even to a kitty!).

Pregnancy #2: 15 weeks

Disclaimer: I just found this post buried in my drafts. It's kind of funny to read about what my pregnant mind thinks about. Now, I have an incredible 19 month old Elsie-girl who is amazing in pretty much every way. I'm certain God knew she would be a precious addition to our family.


Looking back at my older posts of Ben, month-to-month, I am so glad I recorded what he was up to and how young he was in those pictures!! I have thousands of pictures of that kid so it's nice to have some sense of chronology in there.

Well, we're doing it all over again. I'm 15 weeks pregnant with kid #2 and so far so good. I told Aaron to come inside for a minute and just showed him the positive test, saying, "So, uh, you're gonna be a dad again." (I know, I'm so creative...) He was happy with the news, though he looked just as bewildered as I did, since we had thought we mastered the art of not getting pregnant for a while now.

My plan was to get all my postponed dental work done and then do a major detox cleanse before getting pregnant so I could take the drugs to manage tooth pain and cleanse the toxins out while I still could! The day after dentist visit #1, I find out I'm unexpectedly expecting, so my plans went down the drain!

Long story short, I had a month and a half long series of a tooth pulling, root canalling, useless pill popping, tear-infested nightmare. I am officially over going to the dentist. And if I ever do, I'm going to take a pregnancy test FIRST. 

Thankfully, God must have given this baby a little pep talk into being nice to me, because I really didn't suffer from pregnancy symptoms like I could have. Maybe a few weeks of feeling slightly nauseous and being tired, but that's about it. But when you're chasing around an 18 month old who just learned how to climb everything and has a passion for toilets (or any plumbing), sharpies, and butcher knives, being tired is just part of the fun. I still complained a bit, but mostly because I was losing my mind from the tooth pain and lack of food intake.

So far, this pregnancy has not been nearly as monumental as the first. For one thing, I already know what I'm getting myself into and I am too busy saving Ben from himself. Part of our birth control plan was psychological; I would remind myself of everything I disliked about pregnancy, birth, and newborns, just in case I caught any baby fever before I was ready. That's probably the worst part about this whole experience. Not trying to complain here, but we were really looking forward to getting pregnant on purpose...if ya know what I mean. No life altering surprises, just looking forward to taking a test, hoping that it's positive instead of well....wishing it wasn't. I'm finally over that hump, mentally, but it was a challenge. My midwife is amazing and told me it was a good idea to talk to people that can relate and won't make me feel bad for however I'm feeling. I mean, I'm in it for the long haul as far as kids go...there's no turning back at this point. And we were only a few months away from when I knew I wanted to try for another one. Thankfully, Aaron is lovely, and told me the same thing he said when I was struggling with those same emotions last time...that I had 9 months to get ready and by that time, I will be more than excited & ready to be a mom.

Aside from having to prepare myself mentally for what it's going to be like with another cooky child around these parts, things have been great! That dental fiasco actually made me lose about 6lbs so I am now at my wedding day weight in my 2nd trimester. Go figure! There's barely a bump, unless you count leftovers from Ben. Aaron is experiencing more from this pregnancy, too, since the first time I was working 2 day jobs, band practice late at night, and we weren't really seeing much of each other. Newlyweds: I urge you to wait at least ONE WHOLE YEAR before getting pregnant. Do it for me, please. Not because I don't love my amazing little dude, but because I love my husband and he totally got gypped with a crazy hormonal new bride and well...I'm still retaining some most of the crazy. Poor guy.

Just Start.

The date is Friday, February 13, 2015 and I asked God today to give me inspiration. He told me to just start writing and HE would supply the words for me. Too often, I am tempted to distract myself for hours looking at beautiful blog layouts and displays, ways to make money building a blog or selling crafty junk on Etsy, or obsessively researching products that we absolutely need in the near future.

Today, I will just write. The kids are at Grandma’s and the baby I’m watching sleeps like a champion. Caring for one kid after getting used to watching three is unsettlingly easy. I did so much cleaning in the first 15 minutes after she fell asleep that I didn’t know what to do with myself. I felt a leading in my heart to rest, spend some time in prayer, and take advantage of my house actually being clean AND quiet. 

My back is extremely sore after yesterday's "deeper than deep tissue" massage. My masseuse's first impressions of my pain tolerance were incorrect so this month he basically beat me up. Nearly three decades of repressed emotions have been physically pulverized in my neck and shoulders. It hurt. so. good. But, instead of shelling out many dollars to my massage therapist to undo the self-inflicted damage of not communicating my thoughts and feelings, I though I should take a more proactive approach. Which is why I've decided to start blogging again. It's a healing process, one that I hope will prove to be fruitful. Plus, I should at least be finding a way to manage my own emotions while caring for preschoolers who are completely incapable of doing so. 

I’ve been told many times that I have a gift of writing. My mom says that I can communicate with text in a way that makes people feel like they’re having a conversation with me. I hope that's true, and who am I to argue with my own mother? Actually, I would love to argue with my mom, and she loves it, too. It's easier to organize my thoughts in front of me than trying to speak it. I'm the same way with learning new languages, where I can read and write but butcher the oral. I even thought about writing down what's bugging me the next time I have something to resolve with my husband. He's a saint in the making after the many evenings spent asking me what's wrong as I sit there, crying and saying "I don't know boo hoo..." Thankfully, he's smart enough to lead us in prayer and encourages me to give my problems to God. The crazy part is, when we both do that, it only takes a short while before the hubs "magically" knows what my problem is and what he can do to help. Funny how those things work. 

I'm not sure where this blog is going to take me, or what direction I'm going in. I'm going to take the "be lead" approach, and ask God to descramble the thoughts and feelings in my brain for me. The popular things in my day-to-day life include the kids, our neighbors and the 'hood, ways I've found to do things better (like meal planning, budgeting, home-managing), or the development of our journey into ministry. I'm sure I'll get more inspiration as I go along. If you're a praying person, I would appreciate your prayers as I seek direction as to my next step in this season of life.