Just Start.

The date is Friday, February 13, 2015 and I asked God today to give me inspiration. He told me to just start writing and HE would supply the words for me. Too often, I am tempted to distract myself for hours looking at beautiful blog layouts and displays, ways to make money building a blog or selling crafty junk on Etsy, or obsessively researching products that we absolutely need in the near future.

Today, I will just write. The kids are at Grandma’s and the baby I’m watching sleeps like a champion. Caring for one kid after getting used to watching three is unsettlingly easy. I did so much cleaning in the first 15 minutes after she fell asleep that I didn’t know what to do with myself. I felt a leading in my heart to rest, spend some time in prayer, and take advantage of my house actually being clean AND quiet. 

My back is extremely sore after yesterday's "deeper than deep tissue" massage. My masseuse's first impressions of my pain tolerance were incorrect so this month he basically beat me up. Nearly three decades of repressed emotions have been physically pulverized in my neck and shoulders. It hurt. so. good. But, instead of shelling out many dollars to my massage therapist to undo the self-inflicted damage of not communicating my thoughts and feelings, I though I should take a more proactive approach. Which is why I've decided to start blogging again. It's a healing process, one that I hope will prove to be fruitful. Plus, I should at least be finding a way to manage my own emotions while caring for preschoolers who are completely incapable of doing so. 

I’ve been told many times that I have a gift of writing. My mom says that I can communicate with text in a way that makes people feel like they’re having a conversation with me. I hope that's true, and who am I to argue with my own mother? Actually, I would love to argue with my mom, and she loves it, too. It's easier to organize my thoughts in front of me than trying to speak it. I'm the same way with learning new languages, where I can read and write but butcher the oral. I even thought about writing down what's bugging me the next time I have something to resolve with my husband. He's a saint in the making after the many evenings spent asking me what's wrong as I sit there, crying and saying "I don't know boo hoo..." Thankfully, he's smart enough to lead us in prayer and encourages me to give my problems to God. The crazy part is, when we both do that, it only takes a short while before the hubs "magically" knows what my problem is and what he can do to help. Funny how those things work. 

I'm not sure where this blog is going to take me, or what direction I'm going in. I'm going to take the "be lead" approach, and ask God to descramble the thoughts and feelings in my brain for me. The popular things in my day-to-day life include the kids, our neighbors and the 'hood, ways I've found to do things better (like meal planning, budgeting, home-managing), or the development of our journey into ministry. I'm sure I'll get more inspiration as I go along. If you're a praying person, I would appreciate your prayers as I seek direction as to my next step in this season of life.